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Posts Tagged ‘Review

Review: In The Name of the King, or “Jason Statham Got to Get Paid, Son.” (Or more “Boll Crap”)

with 2 comments

'So Claire, have you made anything since Meet Joe Black?'

Newer Update: The numbers are in, ITNOTK:ADST (That’s awesome. That’s like 10 words in the title) made 3 mil opening weekend, and Fox finally admits how bad of a director Uwe Boll is. Now, now, I can rest in peace.

Update: /Film is reporting that In the Name of the King opened up with $950k on opening day, and is headed for a $2.1m opening weekend.

There are some people which are far more courageous than I, and one of those is our very own intrepid J-RAD, who braved his way the theatre to slog through Uwe Boll’s latest star-studded craptravaganza, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale. Here it goes:

With critical acclaims going to comedies like “Juno” and “Superbad,” I’d like to highlight another film that is easily this year’s unexpected comedy breakthrough: “In The Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale.” Unfortunately for director Uwe Boll, it’s supposed to be an Action/Adventure/Fantasy flick — herein lies the humor. The film’s protagonist (who is a farmer) is unimaginatively named Farmer; the outright theft of shots from the Lord of the Rings trilogy begs one to wonder if Uwe Boll actually storyboarded anything, or if he just referred to one seriously worn-out copy of Jackson’s opus; and the film’s dialogue seems to have been randomly typed by a group of one-armed kinkajous with Tourette’s Syndrome that had been sniffing drain cleaner.

But I digress.

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Written by canasian

January 12, 2008 at 1:21 pm

Review: National Treasure 2: Nicholas Cage Still Refuses to Get His Hair Cut

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Wow, it really is from IKEA.
Dang, it IS by IKEA. The Swedes! The SWEDES!

Does Nic Cage even act anymore? I remember when he was always all, Oscar hopeful and stuff… but now he seems content to simply solve Encyclopedia Brownian-type mysteries and look a lot like Neil Diamond (Reference). However, all kidding aside, he returns to us in the hugely successful sequel to the hugely successful National Treasure. This time involving, a secretive Book of Secrets.

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Written by canasian

January 9, 2008 at 6:44 pm